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About a week ago I came across a blog called Atheistwager. Simply put, the author reveals his concerns, frustrations and confusions about Christianity and religion in general. I entered into his conversation through the comments and we ended up conversing through emails in a friendly manner. After a few exchanges back and forth, I proposed that we should work on a project together. We both reflect on something similar through our own faith perspective. Afterward, we would add thoughts on each other’s experience. He picked the topic about life struggles. Damn him.
The Story
There he was all alone in the room filled with puffy smoke. It was a smaller room inside a single wide trailer where he would go to visit his recently divorced step-father. The smoke was not coming from the room burning, but the ends of a joint being passed around and the exhale of others in the room. There were others in the room with him, but he still felt alone. Much like Jacks Manequien’s song asks, “Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?”
My highschool years were spent searching for friends whom wouldn’t leave me for drugs. Everyone had left me for drugs. I would visit my dad whom would share pot with my brother, sister and friends. Its hard to be constantly rejected for a drug. I managed to find a few friends whom didn’t do them. In school and after school, I would hang out with my diminished group of friends. Slowly I would lose another to drugs and became pessimistic about the fate of the few left. Even with a few friends, it didn’t remove the sting of rejection from everyoine else in my life. The sting of despair when the few friends I had didn’t know the daily loneliness I felt in my house. I was alone.
I don’t want to sound like I had a horrible high school experience. I loved high school and it was a great time in my life. Most days were actually quite good. Nearly everyone knew me and I had alot of “acquiantances”. I remember times of wrestling a friend dressed in the school mascot during period changes on the stage. On weekends I would take road trips, had band practice and would go out with girls. Mostly, I had a normal high school life.The struggle came when I would go home to an empty house.
Source of Strength?
There were a few times when I thought about giving up. I could have all the friends and family back if I only decided to take a hit. After all, its only marijuana. But I decided to be persistent and four years quickly passed. There were many reasons why I managed to survive the loneliness. One is my stubborn but driven nature. I do value the strength I have to strive to some ideal goal. Another was the friendships that I did have throughout the years. I don’t know how important each of the reasons were for my persistence, but the one for discussion is my faith in God.
God’s Role?
I could argue that it was God alone who gave me the persistence and that he put those friends in my life. I could also say that God put me in the situation to help others later. I don’t care for any of these excuses. I don’t know nor do I frankly believe any of those scenarios. It really isn’t comforting and only masking answers. It was my faith in God that helped me. My faith took me out of my situation and gave me a hope for something larger than myself. The world became a kernel of corn on a dinner plate with the vastness of God. My faith in God also gave me a stable friend that I could trust. I don’t want to say that prayer and devotions cured my sense of loneliness. They didn’t. I still felt lonely, and was also talking with air. God never became flesh before my eyes, nor did I ever hear his deep grandpa voice. My faith gave me someone I could blame it on and talk too, while not having to worry about people’s thoughts. It gave me an excuse to talk to thin air without anyone present. Whats your excuse for talking to yourself?
My Thought
Honestly, I cannot tell you that God lead me through the situation. In my eyes I can assume things that God could’ve orchestrated or helped me through, but I don’t know them to be true like water turning to ice when in freezing temperatures. The experience doesn’t prove or disprove God. My faith easily could’ve been only an idea, without anything at the end of my prayers. I’ve never been one to look at past experiences as proof in God. They might be evidential to me, but to the larger public they could as easily say that it was all me, coincedences and pure luck. I generally believe that bad things happen because, Shit Happens. Its not so much about the action placed upon us, but our reaction from them that matters.
Check out atheistwager’s reflection and leave some comments. Also I will react about his reflection his blog and vice versa so keep reading soon…
Updated 5-5-07
I believe I must’ve left a few points out when I originally posted this. I did not realize that pot was going to be the major part of the discussion so I left my story about it to a small paragraph. The drugs being shared were harder than just pot, and I never said I didn’t go and visit them. I still went to my dad’s on weekends and still hung out with my old friends, but it wasn’t the same. Whether or not pot/any drug is bad is not the point, we all just decided to take two roads. I ended up taking the more deserted road. The loneliness did not come from a physical separation or physical rejection. It came from being alone in a decision that I chose. Let’s please move away from the pot discussion. if you are interested in my thoughts on the subject I will create a new post.
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First, I will point out that all experiences are different. That being stated I would like to share my revelations about your situation with you. I would hazard to say that you are young, a product of the Reagan Administrations War on Americas (Drugs). Loneliness in our generation is a product of Existential philosophy embraced in the early part of the 20th century. Nietzsche argued that Nihilism would be the direct result of the Existential Dilemma. As I see it, every teenager in America no matter what religious beliefs they hold must pass through the crucible of Nihilism and bring meaning to their own life, since no meaning is supplied by the state, media, or family today.
I digress though.
My point is that you are the only one to blame for your self imposed loneliness. You were indoctrinated by your teachers to alienate yourself from those around you that were doing drugs. They did not leave you. You left them. I’ve never once known a hippie to ignore someone simply because they did not partake in drugs. I have on the other hand seen self righteous individuals distance themselves from users; Somehow believing that they will be infected with the desire to use.
I tire of people giving me the victim story. You are not the victim and you are most definitely responsible for your relationship with your father. If you had said that you were forced to use by your father, then I could find sympathy for your story. Instead, it seems that you are the one that alienated yourself from him. Did you ever stop to consider asking him to lay off for one day while you go to a ball game? Or did you just berate and demonize him for his choices?
Thanks for chiming in Bob. I don’t completely agree with your assesment but will at least leave it up for further discussion. I don’t want to talk too much in my own comment box, so I’ll try to leave my responses short. Yes, you are right about the reagan administration. After that, you went on assumptions that were incorrect.
Nietsche would argue that nihilism is the result of the world where we killed God. Without God’s existence we would all eventually go through a point of meaningless bleh. But that is only assuming one believes God to be dead/nonexistant, and as I do not think so purpose/meaning was never a factor for me. I cannot even argue whether or not his thoughts were correct. You can possibly consider Nietsche’s thoughts with my atheist friend who is partaking in this experiment also.
The main point I would like to make is to really help clarify the story. I do not say that it was their fault that I decided not to do drugs. I never focused on blaming other individuals too much, but on the path that I wanted to lead. Also, I was always invited and did hang out with my family and friends. It was definitely self-imposed that I chose the one path, but it did not mean I wouldn’t feel rejected and alone. Not so much that I wasn’t aloud to be physically present (nor without a purpose/meaning in life), but that I chose to go a road where nobody followed. The point of the post wasn’t to condemn their actions nor glorify mine. It was how my faith helped lead me through my decisions.
*also on a side note, there had been a few times which I asked my father to not light up. He actually has stopped doing all hard drugs, marijuana and alcohol. Just one day decided to stop and has been clean for a number of years.
Hmmm…I’ve been doing pot for years and all I’ve had out of it are positive experiences. I’ve actually grown closer to people with whom I’ve been consuming them simply having passed thru a shared experience.
I dont really know why is there such a demonisation of substances use. After all, our own body chemistry makes us high daily. Pot is just a plant.
Priests and politicians imposing drug prohibition drink wine on a mass, or for dinner - even if just a little of it, it is still a chemical thats changing your brain chemistry.
So why couldnt I do just a little bit of pot? And if I CAN use a little, where is the limit where I should stop? Youre threading a thin line here…
I would really like to know, what your idea of a “GOD” is, and how do you justify and rationalise: the inconsistencies and silliness in the bible (or any other religious book) - thru which your religion was created; The fact that most religions share blatant hate and scorn for other religions; the presence of all the suffering in the world; the fact that were you born a few thousand kilometers in any direction, you’d probably be thinking very diferently (maybe even malevolently)… etc etc…
Religion is man made ergo GOD is man made.
Theres just no other way around it.
Face your fears.
@evolver
My faith was not created by a book. Yes I follow Jesus and most of the Bible, but I would not say that my religion came from the book. I actually went through a time of prayer, testing, questioning and doubt of the bible and came to the conclusion that its truth/false has nothing to do with my faith in God. I agree that all religions were created by men, but that doesn’t make your equation man created religion which created God correct. I would say from the beginning that man created religion to understand God. Therefore religion is very limiting, but God is not dependant on it.
When I was finished reading your post, my thoughts were similar to Bob Weaver’s - if you were lonely, why didn’t you spend time with the family and friends you had, even if they were doing pot? I became friends with some people who smoked, and none of them ever rejected me for not smoking. Unlike you, I did try it out because I wanted to know what their experience was all about. I never got high though, so I stopped after smoking pot 2 or 3 times. I still hung out with those same friends, and even went right ahead and laughed along during their silly high times. The relationships that I had with some of those people have remained stronger and truer than relationships that I had with Christians during the same time period. Of course, I do also have Christian friends that I have remained close with throughout those years. My point is that the use of pot, or belief in a particular faith need not isolate you from others.
But have you tried any other faiths? I for one think that buddhaism is a much more humane religion cos it focuses on THIS life and not on some imaginary happy-place that awaits us beyond the rainbow.
Aren’t you just following the pack?
You know, conformism is one of the WORST sins out there. Conformism made the spanish inquisition happen, it made holocaust happen and it sure did make IRAQ OCCUPATION happen.
Herd mentality.
Christians are allowing and even propagating THOUSANDS of Iraqi deaths daily.
Religion is for the ignorant.
@Evolver
Yes, I have investigated other religions. I take alot of inspiration and from Far Eastern Philosophies such as Buddhism, Zen, and Taoism, but basically they are more philosophy than religion. I do not know anyone who follows Hinduism so I have a few unsettled questions. All three of the Abrahamic faiths: Judaism, Islam, and Christianity tend to be too legalistic. Universalism and Bah’ai are too dreamy in their thinking that all religions say the same thing. I am too close to God to be an agnostic (Even though agnosticism is the most logical of all belief systems, including atheism).
Removing every religion and faith system, my main focus is my personal faith and relationship with God. I do claim to be a Christian, but not so much as a member of Christianity. It is more like the original meaning - One who follows the teaching and way of Jesus Christ. Why did I stick with Jesus? well I started to write why but that deserves a post in itself (or many series). All I know is that the things he taught and did resonates within me to be really the truth, the way and the life.
Well then. Enjoy your relationship. Hope it helps you be a better human and to treat everyone else with kindness.
My good friend the Reverend David Burnight, who presided over my wedding ceremony sat with me and my (then) wife to be and asked us about what we intended to teach our children, if and when we had any.
We told him that we were going to teach her everything. He seemed pleased by that.
Point: I suppose you said it when you mused about other religions or philosophies, combined with the idea that you can’t prove a God exists and that you did not ever get what we would call a real response - you make your own gods. And maybe you have a shared experience with others that affirms your God. There is a whole world of experience there to be had.
I think, though, that reaching out to people, rather than inward to your God, is a much healthier solution. You can help strengthen your family and your community by reaching out. Sitting and praying is (to be honest) a bit selfish. It only reinforces the idea that you are an individual separated from everybody else, when infact, without these people, you would not have a frame of reference in which to evaluate yourself.
I’m sorry Reverend, but you have assumed a conclusion that was not true and a conclusion that was intentionally left out. Since my continued perseverance and faith, my stepdad and brother has quit doing hard drugs, marijuana and drinking altogether, my sister quit smoking pot and cigarettes and is actually a missionary now, and my mother leads the women mission board at her local church. I dare not say that I was the only reason for the change, but I comfortable in saying I was a major influencing factor. To say that I sat around and prayed is a horrible assumption that truthfully goes against everything I worked for. Life is not one dimensional, my prayer life and faith search poured out onto my relational life. I have helped out my family and all my friends through hard times. I did not turn my back away from them and shun them out. Overall, I don’t have to choose between reaching out nor praying. I can do both. Life is short but not instant.