Create The Noise. Change Your World.

We’re both looking for something
We’ve been afraid to find
It’s easier to be broken
It’s easier to hide - Lifehouse [First Time]

There I was. Lying on the floor and paralyzed from moving. My wife was there. I didn’t want her to see me like this, but I couldn’t make it to the stairs quickly enough. Even if I did get to the living room, she’d know that something was up. Not many sane people jump out of bed and run out of the room when they are trying to go to sleep. There was nothing left for me to do. My wife would see my vulnerable state as I laid weeping on the floor through a depression attack.

Have you ever had a day where it could be part of Seinfeld or Friends syndication? My Monday/Tuesday experience of this past week could’ve been a 1996 episode of either show. It all started when I got out of my car Monday morning and my keys vanished. I mean they literally dissolved all of their nano bots into the surrounding air. After searching all day for them, I gave up and admitted my defeat around 5-6 that evening. I called locksmiths - nobody would come where I was at. I called my wife and she began the hour drive to come pick me up. While waiting, I called the insurance company and they actually told me that someone will be sent out that night to fix the lock for me. I called my wife and told her to go back home.

There he was crawling across the floor. He found the object that would give him the lift to stand upright and then directed his crawl toward it. Slowly, he lifted one hand upon the seat of the chair and got up to his knees. The chair was not a large chair and is the one I am sitting in right now. It is just a simple black computer chair, but the same as nearly everyone’s computer chair, it swivels and rolls. It did not take all of my few brain cells to realize that its not the safest chair for my son to be climbing. Yet, he managed to find it. He took the other hand that had been resting on the ground and put it atop the black seat. He pulled himself to his feet and suddenly did a couple of flips to the floor. Where was I? I was on the other side of the room. I was watching an apple/PC commercial.

About a week ago I came across a blog called Atheistwager. Simply put, the author reveals his concerns, frustrations and confusions about Christianity and religion in general. I entered into his conversation through the comments and we ended up conversing through emails in a friendly manner. After a few exchanges back and forth, I proposed that we should work on a project together. We both reflect on something similar through our own faith perspective. Afterward, we would add thoughts on each other’s experience. He picked the topic about life struggles. Damn him.

The Story

unlocked up in our own cages. The struggle to get by and be known by our faces. Day in and out I do the same as everyone else. The path is set and my feet move, but it is me who decides to travel this robotic groove. What works for me now is what had allready worked for you. The car I drive and the home I buy is what others have made me want inside. Yet it is I who have put myself in the cage.

"I’m going to the place where love… and feeling good don’t ever cost a thing… And the pain you feel’s a different kind of pain… I’m going HOME" - Chris Daughtry [Daughtry)

    I love this lyric by Chris Daughtry. It resonates with everything I am feeling these days. It seems as life has crept up on me and I cannot retake my time. Everything is going at the speed of light and everyone is expecting perfection on their time that there is none left for me to enjoy home. I’m not talking about the building that houses my wife and kids at the moment, but the feeling that comes when time is no longer part of reality. When I have the chance to rock out on my guitar by myself or back in Moonbaby, the ability to laugh and eat at IHOP after midnight with close friends discussing nonsense and the meaning of life, or the small moments where I have enough energy to chase my face-covered grins of boys around the apartment. I want to say, I’m going HOME.

This morning, my son forcibly refocused my views. My wife left earlier to lead a children’s program at church and left me at home with the boys. I figured it would be a synch and no big deal. It wasn’t the first time that I watched them myself. I was actually looking forward to just hanging around with just the men. After all, I am working for most of their waking days.

The Excuse

It’s not that I was purposefully doing it, but it is only natural to my usual multi-tasking life. I’m so used to doing five things at once that I tend to put people on the backburner. It was no different this time, except my oldest son decided to change it up.