I have started to go to counseling. My wife and I decided that it would be best to work out some of my personal issues before I plunge into full-time ministry. I do think it is important for me to get some of my stuff straight before I embark on an emotionally draining career. It was a choice that we decided would be best for our family’s future.
My ChoiceÂ
Really, I didn’t think I had a choice. Not because I do everything my wife says (which I do.. sometimes), but I really didn’t see any other option. I knew the consequences and path my life could likely go and knew of only one way to fix it: go talk to someone. It was the right decision, but the point is that I thought it was the only decision.
It is just around the corner, and I’m excited. The boys are at the age where Christmas can actually start being exciting. We can take them to the plays, drive to see the city lights, and decorate the apartment with a large tree. This Christmas will have a special moment in our family’s memories.
As a Christian, our family does focus on Christs birth. We’ll tell the story and have Jesus is the Reason for the season stuff, but we aren’t kidding anyone. It is about the presents. My wife and I want the best for our kids this Christmas and want to make it special for them. The problem is that we aren’t made of money. My wife is a children’s pastor and I’ve quit teaching to return to school full-time.
This morning I was tempted. I missed the first class of the day because I was trying to finish the homework. It didn’t seem like it would be hard to finish so instead of doing it last night, I put it off until this morning. I had more.. important.. things to do.
 The morning started out great. I got up early, took a shower, got the boys dressed and had plenty of time to do the simple homework. I found it wasn’t so simple. An hour after the class started I was still trying to finish the first part.
We all desire to do more. There really aren’t many people who walks through life and chooses not to improve society. We might not want to be Mother Theresa, but we would like to see a better tomorrow than was today. It is a virtue that we are naturally born with. It might be a flaw that evolution hasn’t corrected yet, but right now we want to make the world a better place.
The problem is that there are so many damn people problems in the world. What can we actually do? I’m not a superhero who can stop the genocide in Darfur. I’m not a millionaire who can help out the bankrupt amusement park owner who turned our city around. I can’t even stop time to help guide a lost stranger to his destination. I want to do something, but I dont have the time/resources/initative/skills/power/influence/income/ability/charisma/personality/../../.. to do what is required to affectively change the world.
we are looking for you today
we are waiting to be shown the way
It is not for us but for you (all for you)
We want to walk in your grace (all your ways)
The world is crushing on our lives
loudly breaking our souls desires
Will you come take all of our selves (all our hearts)
Please reform us in your grace (all your ways)
We are seeking to follow in the path
It is tough to walk in what you taught
We will continue through the struggles
Show us your face so we will have the strength
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Have you confessed lately? Went into a booth and told another individual who couldn’t see you, everything that you have done wrong? I haven’t. I never have. The faith tradition that I follow doesn’t believe in it. They say that you don’t need any person to forgive your sins, but God. Therefore, Go straight to God.
I both agree and disagree. Theologically, we do not need a mediator between us and God. We can go directly to Him with our prayers. On the other hand, we also need to confess our mistakes to other individuals. He or she might not be wearing a black suit with a white collar, but he could be. Every time we do something that hurts another individual does hurt God. We do need to confess to him, but we also hinder the growth of our community.
“I’m going to keep holding on..
holding on to you”
I don’t know how many of you are writers out there and understand my predicament, but I am stuck. I’ve written the above lyrics as a chorus, but I can’t come up with any other words for the song. The music is finished with melody, chords and rhythm, but I can’t or won’t write the verses. I know what the song is about and I love the concept. Maybe this is the problem. I love the chorus so much that I am putting the writer’s block on myself.
Everything Becomes a Burden
If you have read any of my blog posts from this past week, then you know the story of my friend Darius and what he is going through right now. It is a hard period of life for him. I try to be strong and listen when he needs me, but it is tough. All I want to do is drop to my knees and cry.
Everyone Goes Through It
We all go through hard times in our lives. Days where we catch every red light and little chance to catch up with work. Every conversation turns into a frustrating obligation. These things are difficult, but life is harder than this. I’ve had one friend commit suicide, another die of cancer, another die in a car accident and now one has brain cancer. I am 24 and I allready know of several couples whom are divorcing.
I would like to begin by saying thank-you to all the comments and emails that I’ve received via my last two posts. My friend’s tumor has been a hard thing for me to handle and is deeply testing my faith. Then again, what is life without deeply painful experiences?
The most inspiring part about all the feedback I am receiving is how my post and honest reflections are helping you, the readers, in your own life. It is extremely humbling to read some of the stories that you all have sent in to me. How my thoughts have transformed your relationships with others. Your stories have given me the desire and purpose to continue writing in this blog while my mind is with my friend.
I am going to be brutally honest in this post so be warned. If you’re not in the mood to hear the pouting of a white upper-middleclass Jesus Freak, then you are welcome to click this link.
I haven’t been able to keep up with my posting this week. I really haven’t had the motivation nor the desire. My friend whom I most closely can relate has just had surgery to remove a tumor from his brain. IÂ suppose things like that change your entire perspective.. especially on living.
