Sharing In Our Brokenness: Lifehouse – First Time

We’re both looking for something
We’ve been afraid to find
It’s easier to be broken
It’s easier to hide – Lifehouse [First Time]

There I was. Lying on the floor and paralyzed from moving. My wife was there. I didn’t want her to see me like this, but I couldn’t make it to the stairs quickly enough. Even if I did get to the living room, she’d know that something was up. Not many sane people jump out of bed and run out of the room when they are trying to go to sleep. There was nothing left for me to do. My wife would see my vulnerable state as I laid weeping on the floor through a depression attack.

Easier To Hide

I don’t really hide my struggle with depression. I’ve even written a coping article on here about it. Even still, this is only knowledge. People can know about my problems, but they’ve never experienced it with me. They have never seen me at my worst moments. It was only last week that my wife saw first-hand what my mind does to my body.

In their newest single, First Time, Lifehouse describes the anxiety that comes when we get to the point of allowing someone to see what is within us. We all have something that we do not want anyone to truly see. Whether it is depression, confidence or a fear, we bottle it up to maintain an image of sanity in the world. When it comes to letting someone close enough in to experience our troubles with us, it is just easier to be broken – easier to hide.

Scared To Death

Last week, when I was going through the attack, I had no choice but to allow my wife to experience my secret pain. She wanted to comfort me, but all I wanted to do was push her away. She was able to see the complete me; my real thoughts, fears, and anxieties. My image of being mr. cool and nonchalant about everything is forever vanished in her eyes. Now she sees me in a more complete light and that scares the shit out of me.

After the first verse, Lifehouse’s  First Time lyrics continue by saying that he is scared to death but is going to take the chance to allow someone completely in. Even though I was forced by my legs of jelly to share in the experience of one of my most vulnerable moments, I do believe we all need that person whom we can share in every dark experience. God created us so that we can find a friend whom would share in shouldering our burdens with us.

A Parable

It is like a fishing net.  One little patch could not catch and carry a single fish, let alone a school of fish. But, once many patches are sewn into a large net, then the net can carry huge amounts of fish. If we try to carry our fears and struggles ourselves by hiding them, they will drown us. On the other hand, when we are completely open and willing to work together to help each other through our issues., there is nothing the group could not carry.

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